Praising Him in the storm/ I will wait

If you know me well, you know that I used to attend church camp during the summer. Honeycreek QUICKLY became my favorite place on Earth, and it's still a place that I hold very close to my heart. It's where I first really came to know God. I had been in church my entire life, but that 15th summer of my life was a big one. However, this post in particular will not be about my love for "the creek".... just about how certain things just stick with us and we pull from them when we need to.

I'm in a bad place in my life right now. A really, really dark, negative place. I'm the happy girl. The funny girl. I'm not allowed to be depressed. I'm not supposed to have the thoughts that I've had lately. I think the persona that I've created for myself (quite possibly as a defense mechanism to keep people from getting too close) makes being "down" even more difficult because people just don't expect that out of me. I'm expected to always be "on". To always have a joke. And sometimes (this past week, for example) I just don't have a lot of jokes.

A good friend whom I consider a "life twin" (we've been through so, so many similar things so she just "gets me") sent me the song "Praise You in This Storm" this morning. It was funny, because it's one of my go-to songs when things are going wrong; when the storm comes rolling in.

 

 

But throughout the day, as in so many other times in my life, another song kept coming to mind. And the only other people that I know of who even know this song are other kids who went to Honey Creek. The lyrics cause me to hit my knees every time. The kind of song that I just can't help but be affected by. The kind that puts me in tears and makes me look deep inside myself.  They're such simple lyrics, but the message is essentially the same- praising Him in the storm, waiting on the Lord. So I sing it over and over... and maybe this blog post is just for me. There's something so therapeutic for me about the rhythm of the keyboard clicking beneath my fingers. Almost like a song... the keyboard is my instrument. This is my song. (I'm not a great song writer. I ramble.) But maybe no one else needs this like I do right now. And, even if no one else reads this post, I had to write it.

 

So. The lyrics. The song.

 





As the years of my life pass me by, pass me by

I will wait, I will wait on the Lord.

 

When the day turns to night and I pray to see the light

I will wait, I will wait on the Lord.

 

Through the calm, through the fears. Through the laughter and the tears

I will wait, I will wait on the Lord.

 

Feeling sure or laced with doubt, Going with or without

I will wait, I will wait on the Lord

 

For as long as I am living

Just as sure as time goes on

On and on

I'm holdin' on....

 

I'm holdin' on.....

I know. It's simple. I told you it was. But there's something about that song that just hits me deep.

I know that I'll get through this. I know that it's one of those things where I'm gonna come out of this thing with some seriously bruised knees from hitting them so hard in prayer. But, I WILL come out of this. I don't know how. And at this particular moment, I don't see a silver lining, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel... but I have faith that it's there. And as Christians, isn't that the foundation of everything we believe in? Faith? Well- when faith is the only thing you have left, it sure helps to lean on it. Maybe that's God's plan all along. To give me no choice but to lean on Him.

He's a smart man, that God.