Engagement Chicken

I have been on both sides of the engagement fence. I've been in a relationship with a man for more than 4 years who swore that he would spend the rest of his life with me, but would never marry me. (he did, eventually... and we were divorced before our second wedding anniversary) I've also been dating someone for a month when he popped the question (ring and all) and I said "yes" because I felt like I had to (oh, the pressure!).... within another month, that relationship was also over. I've gone on dates with guys who have ZERO interest in marriage, and I've also dated men who seem to obsess over it more than women. One guy (affectionately referred to in my favorite circle of friends as "Stalker Barry") actually wrote me an 8 page letter telling me how his "biological clock is ticking". We were around 23 at the time. We had gone on just a handful of dates. I ran.

So now I'm dating a guy. A pretty awesome guy. People call it a long-distance relationship, but I swear I spend more time at his house than my own, and we see each other usually Friday night through Monday morning, so we get our fill of each other, no doubt. It's only hard usually Thursday night. Because by the time I've been away from him for a few days, I start to miss him. I miss my buddy. But that "missing him" is healthy. It's why we work. Because we have the opportunity to miss each other. Marriage is something that, right now, scares the daylights out of me. Not because I don't love this man. I absolutely do. I, honestly, have never been so happy in a relationship. We test each other and challenge each other and make each other grow. We bring out the best in one another and I think that's what it's all about. It has taken THIS long for us to ease the toddler into our relationship (he's the one I'm most concerned about getting attached to someone. The older two have a daddy that they see and that loves them very much. Bray has Mama. That's it.), but now that the almost 30 year old and the almost 4 year old have spent time with each other, they're getting closer than I imagined. They have a genuine bond and love each other. So, yeah... that makes me think "family" and wonder if there's some sort of permanence here.... but I know that if it's supposed to happen, it will. When we're both ready. It could be 3 months from now (it will not be 3 months from now), it could be 3 years from now. But, we're both happy. And there is no immediate need for either of us to rush into anything.

And then I get on Pinterest. His mother and I are planning this big 30th birthday extravaganza for him and I want it to be amazing. And I see this pin (don't act like you women don't know what I'm talking about) for Engagement Chicken. The story goes, you make this "succulent, juicy chicken" (albeit bland, according to reviews) for your significant other and within weeks, you will have a ring on your finger. Some call it "magic". (Magic... VooDoo... whatever) One obviously desperate woman stated that she had been dating her man for 2 weeks when she made this chicken "just to see what would happen" and that night he said "I love you" for the first time, 6 weeks later he asked her to move in with him, and within 6 months they were engaged. They were to celebrate their first wedding anniversary the week after she posted her comment. Well, congratu-frickin-lations. You two weirdos should be very happy together. I know, that sounds a lot like judgement... and that's because it is. Look- I already acknowledged that I accepted a proposal from a guy who popped the question 4 weeks into dating. But I didn't marry the guy. (that doesn't make it okay... it's just what I tell myself to make ME feel like less of a bad person... if I felt like a bad person at all. which I don't. Because we had no business getting married. Period. I just don't like pressure.) But I can assure you, I don't need a voodoo chicken to get a guy to want to marry me!!! (remember- Stalker Barry?!)

Some argue that the reason that this Engagement Chicken (and the subsequent Hook-Him Apple Pie) works is because it shows your man that you care. You're taking the time to make the man a chicken. Just like Mama would have done. Let me tell you what I do to show the Sir that I care. I clean his apartment. I do his laundry. I pick up his dry cleaning. I make him laugh. I don't get bent out of shape over stupid little things (most of the time). I treat him the way that he deserves to be treated every single day. Not when I decide that I deserve (or just plain want) a ring. I don't cook dinner for him and expect ANYTHING from it other than a satisfied, full man. IF the Sir and I tie the knot (3 months or 3 years from now) PUH-LEEEEEZE rest assured that it's because I am awesome and I picked an equally awesome man, and not due to the consumption of a lemon-stuffed marry me chicken.

Besides, if I really wanted to make that man of mine happy, I'd throw a Stauffer's lasagna in the oven. Dat baby loves him a frozen lasagna. ;)




P.S. If you're intrigued, you can find the Engagement Chicken recipe here:
http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/engagement-chicken
and the Hook Him Apple Pie here:
http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/hook-him-apple-pie
(if the pie didn't have such a horrible name, I might have made it.... I do love an apple pie. Way to ruin it, wedding-hungry bias)

And if you make either of them, I still wanna know if it worked for you. If it took 17 weeks for him to propose- it wasn't the chicken. Geniuses.