To The Next Girl Who Dates The Man That I Love

To the next girl who dates the man that I love,

This may seem strange that I would even do this, but if I’m completely honest- it’s because I love him. He’s an incredible man, this man that we love, and I want all of the happiness in the world for him. There are things that I’ve learned in our time together- some things that I did right and some that I did terribly wrong. But, regardless, through much trial and error- I figured a lot out about this walking enigma of a man.

 

First and foremost, he’s not as confident as he appears. I’ve always said that no one loves The Sir as much as The Sir loves The Sir. That’s not entirely true. He talks a big game. By the way he acts, you would think that he thinks he’s the greatest gift to the world. He doesn’t really feel that way. Trust me. He’s intelligent and he knows that. He’s confident in his abilities at work, and knows what an asset he is there. As for the rest of his life, he’s as insecure as anyone. Compliment him. Don’t assume that because he says “I know” when you tell him that he’s sexy that he really does know. Most of the time he doesn’t really feel that way. Assure him that he is beyond attractive in your eyes. Find things that make him uniquely him and tell him how much you love those things. I’ll help you out a little. If you haven’t noticed yet, he smiles with his eyes. It’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Pay attention to that. That’s when you’ll know he’s truly happy. His hair two weeks out from a hair cut… It’s just enough to be ruggedly handsome. Run your hands through it. Not too much, because he gets annoyed with too much affection (we’ll get to that later), but do it and tell him how amazing his hair is. He’ll say “I know”. Don’t tell him he’s an ass. Don’t tell him he’s cocky. That’s something I would do. That’s something I shouldn’t have done. Laugh it off. Maybe say “Well, good. You SHOULD know”, and leave it at that.

 

Make sure he drinks water. It makes a huge difference. Maybe by the time you come around, he will have slowed down on his drinking, but whether he has or not- his water is important. But if he IS drinking- make sure you keep a cup of water nearby. If you’re out, always keep a water. He won’t order a water at a bar. You have to order it for yourself. Trust me, he will drink it. You may have to remind him that it’s there or hand it to him from time to time, but he will drink it.

 

He’ll take vitamins if you remind him. You may actually have to remind him, but it’s worth it. You want to keep him around as long as possible right? Remind him to take his vitamins.

 

He still cares deeply for every girl he’s ever loved. Do not let that hurt you. This is one thing I did right. Accept that he will always love those women and that it’s okay for him to always love them. It means that he has a huge heart. And he really, really does. Sometimes he will play songs that make him think of them. Sometimes he’ll do it when you’re not around and he’ll just kind of drown in the emotion of it all. That’s okay. Sometimes he’ll do it with you sitting right next to him. At this point, you have the option to get offended by it and consider him inconsiderate for doing so, or you can see it for what it is- he feels comfortable enough with you to let you in to see all facets of his beautiful soul. When this happens, just reach over and touch him. 3-5 seconds is long enough. He doesn’t require much. But stroke his arm or the back of his neck or put your hand on his thigh and squeeze for a second or two. Just let him know that you’re there. Please don’t get upset with him. This is just a part of him. Let him be free to be himself.

 

Another part of him- he can be extremely inappropriate at times (if you haven’t figured this out by now). When he gets out of line- tell him. But don’t be a bitch. That only makes it worse. Change the subject. Hand him the water (because that’s a sure sign that he needs it). Do something to make him laugh. 9 times out of 10 it works.

 

Dance with him. Let him twirl you around the dance floor and act like a complete idiot. He doesn’t know any actual dances. Do not let that stop you from having the time of your life with him.

 

You do not need to spend hours or a ton of money on a fancy meal for him. While he absolutely loves a good meal, he appreciates the thought and the meal itself more than the effort. I once spent about $30 and literally an hour and a half on this fancy, from scratch potato dish with ridiculously hard-to-find cheeses to accompany our evening meal. He ate them and appreciated it, but went back for seconds of the chicken that cost somewhere around $10. He pretty much ate all of the chicken, now that I think about it. He doesn’t need elaborate. You can pick up take out and have it waiting on him when he gets home. I think what he appreciates the most is that he didn’t have to worry about dinner for himself, and someone else is going to be cleaning up the mess afterward. And DO clean up the mess afterward. He won’t do it. He may say he will, but I know him. It will take you 5 minutes and it’s so worth it. He probably won’t even notice that you do it. But try not to let that hurt your feelings. Do it anyway.

 

Another thing about his eating- he’s not a big fan of desserts either. Go ahead, spend hours on a home made apple pie. I did. I ate it all myself. I can’t think that he even tried it. He does like banana pudding though. But he prefers the one with the Pepperidge Farm Chessman cookies rather than the Nilla Wafers recipe. It’s more rich, and far more expensive to make, but this is one of the exceptions to the rule of not spending a lot of money on his food. But don’t make it often. Again- he won’t eat it. But maybe if you go to his mom’s for dinner or a family function, make that. (also along the line of desserts- if you can bake at all- the neighbor at the lake house loves a 17 layer chocolate cake. Yellow cake, but home made buttercream chocolate frosting. Have Ben take one to him. They’re very, very kind people and that kind of gesture means a lot)

Thank you cards. That will be on you. He won’t do them. It isn’t because he isn’t thankful. His intentions are always the best, but he simply will not take the time. Do them for him. Maybe have him sign them, but just make sure they get out the door. He will appreciate that you care enough about his friends and family to ensure that they are appropriately thanked for the things they’ve done for him.

 

His friends. They may not like you at first. Don’t let it get you down. They’re good people. All of them, actually. Some of them may be a little wild… a little rough around the edges… but they are ALL good people. And what they all have in common more than anything- they, too, love this man. Especially his best friend. Hopefully he won’t hate you the way he does me, but if he does- please understand that it’s only because he wants the absolute best for his best friend. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t the best for him. It just means that he’s protective of him and there’s a possibility that no one will ever be “good enough”. But maybe he will love you. Regardless, he and his wife are two of the funniest, kindest, most gracious people you will ever meet. Be kind to them whether they like you or not. They love him. They are family.

 

He likes liquid fabric softener. I don’t even know that he knows he likes it, but he does. And when you wash the sheets, add in some of the fragrance enhancer, as well. It makes a huge difference. He may not notice that part, but if you use the lavender, it helps him sleep better. He tosses and turns less in his sleep and snores less, as well. I never told him I did this, but once I noticed the difference it made, I always used it on the sheets.

 

Pay attention to things that he wants or needs, but won’t purchase for himself. If you ever ask him what he wants for his birthday or Christmas, he will tell you “Nothing”. That’s not true. Oh. One thing- he prefers the women’s razors. The super expensive ones that already have the soap bar on them. The Gillette Venus ones. Make sure you keep those on hand for him. He won’t purchase them, but he loves them. He breaks a lot of beard trimmers, as well. I had planned to purchase an extra one to keep on hand for when the next one breaks. That may be something you want to go ahead and do. I did some research and Norelco is the brand you’ll want to get. And he loves hoodies. You can never go wrong with a super comfy hoodie “just because”.

 

Sundays are hair cut days. He hates getting his hair cut. More than getting his hair cut, he hates waiting at the salon to get his hair cut, but won’t call ahead for an appointment. Your best bet will be to call and schedule an appointment for a Sunday afternoon around 3:30/4. Go to a late lunch where he can have a couple of drinks. Then he won’t care as much that you’re taking him to get his hair cut. And then he won’t have to wait. Trust me, waiting with him is not fun. You do not want to wait. **make the appointment**

 

Game Day Saturdays. This is a big one. Do not expect communication. Period. He will text you. Just expect that he will not. Your life (and your relationship) will be better for it.

 

Do some research and find little hole in the wall bars with good music. That’s his element. He loves places like that.

 

Do not expect a lot of affection. He shows love in different ways than you’re probably used to. Usually it’s something cute like a silly nickname. If he calls you a silly nickname, that’s the equivalent of him kissing you. Take it as such. He won’t kiss a lot. He just doesn’t. And he doesn’t really do PDA. Don’t even try it. I mean, you can kiss him on the cheek, or even lean in for a kiss if the moment is right- but don’t push it. It will push him away.

 

Love him with everything that you have. Don’t worry about what the books say. Don’t play games. Just love that man. Defend him, when necessary. ALWAYS remember that you are a team. It is the two of you against whatever problems arise- never against each other. He needs your love and support. Even if you don’t agree with him- support him. He needs that. Encourage him. Compliment him. And just love the hell out of him. Do more than I did. Don’t do anything to give him any reason to let you go. Don’t let him go. Fight for him, but don’t fight with him. Fighting with him is never worth it. Remember- never against each other.

 

Keep in mind, this man holds a place in my heart that no one else could ever fill. I just wasn’t the right girl for him. I still want his happiness above all else. Maybe you won’t make the same mistakes that I did. Don’t hurt him. Just love him. Always love him.

 

The Ex