geez... i disappeared from the blogosphere for a minute.... {don't worry, i was still facebookin' it up} but for good reason. i've been one busy little mama recently. and sick. one busy little sicky mama. today is day #5 of this crud in my face and my chest, but i *am* feeling a teensy bit better... i feel about like i did on day #2... which was "like crap, but still functioning..." i just feel like i could use a good 15 hours of sleep & then i'd be back to normal {well, my version of normal, anyhow}... but, i have an 18 month old (as of tomorrow!!) and that means no sleepy time for the mommy.
other than wanting to shoot my face off, i've been keeping super busy with work. "work"... it seems odd to even call it that. don't get me wrong, there's a lot of actual work that goes into it, and when i calculate the actual amount of hours that i put into my sessions now (the research, prep work, the session itself, editing, and all of the other post-production stuff like creating slideshows & previewing with clients, ordering, etc) I probably actually make less per hour than i did at my very first job at a day care center (and those of you who have worked in day care facilities know just how little they pay).... but, that's not why i do it. i mean, yes, i want to be successful and self-sufficient and make money to help support my family... but i really love this. i am so proud of my last session because i can see just how much my work has improved. i look at things i was doing just a month or two ago & am so pleased with the amount of growth i've experienced as an artist already. i know i have a lot to learn & hopefully will *never* stop learning, but what i've had to accept is that i am me. my art is not unlike the rest of my life. i have to discover who kayla is as an artist (just as i had to discover who kayla was as a person... and that changes constantly) and just run with it. so what if my husband thinks it's too much light? i do what i like. and when potential clients see my work, if they love it- they will use me. if they don't love it- i will be more than happy (no sarcasm) to recommend someone who i think will better fit what they're looking for. because everyone deserves to have quality portraits that they can be proud of. and i don't want to stress myself out over worrying that i'm not going to please everyone. because i'm not going to be able to please everyone. and that's okay. i'm getting better (at life, as well... i think), and i'll keep on getting better.... and hopefully i will continue to love my "work" as much as i do now. i know i will.
the other thing that has kept me away from my blog is surrogacy. {heard that from me before?? yup, i'm at it again} actually, i've been looking into this again for several months. really, only jj knew that i was thinking about it so many months ago, but i pushed it off for a little while... then i found them. "the couple"... the ones that i just know i'm supposed to carry a baby for. i'm excited, and a little nervous, but this is going to be a wonderful journey. i'm not going to talk about that a lot on this blog, primarily because i have another blog devoted solely to that journey here. feel free to check that one out, as well. i really started that blog for the unborn baby and his/her parents. this way the mother can kind of experience this pregnancy vicariously through the blog, but also that the child can someday read exactly what thoughts & emotions went into bringing him/her into the world. no, i'm not pregnant yet. we just got the insurance stuff handled, and i will be travelling to florida in a couple of weeks for preliminary ultrasounds & we will possibly begin the procedure next month or the following month.
*deep sigh* whew. that's a lot. on top of being sick. and taking care of the wee one. hopefully i'll be well before girl's night on thursday. i desperately need a night out with my friends & this group of girls are definitely some of the best!!!
...just thought i'd let ya know i haven't given up on blogging altogether. did ya notice i was gone? ;)
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I did :)
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