my little superman

Due to his having MRSA (an antibiotic resistant staph infection that just KEEPS coming back), Braydon doesn't get to have a lot of sweets. It's not such a big deal to me because I don't have much of a sweet tooth anyway (however, if you catch me on the right day, I can devour a row of Golden Oreos in a matter of minutes!). But, Braydon, like most little people, loves cookies. It's not even just cookies that he loves so much- Cheetos, Ritz crackers, suckers, Reese's cups.... any kind of "junk food". Unfortunately, all of these are on the list of foods he needs to stay away from. Being the proactive-lets-keep-the-kid-out-of-the-hospital-and-do-everything-we-can-as-naturally-as-possible-before-turning-to-antibiotics kind of mom that I am, I did a lot of research. And by "a lot", I mean countless hours on forums reading from people who have had children who have suffered or have actually themselves suffered from this horrendous, painful super-bug. One thing that I've found is that MRSA has a very difficult time living in an alkaline environment. It thrives on acid... so one method of eradicating this thing, is to limit acid foods and increase the alkalinizing foods (most all green veggies are high on the alkaline scale, where carbs, sugars, and "junk" are all high on the acidic scale). Soy products are also very alkalinizing, so for his snacks lately, it's been soy yogurt (which he loves and is super healthy anyway)... I try to encourage healthy eating habits with all of my children, but sometimes a kid just wants a french fry... or a cookie.

So, the other day, I pulled the Golden Oreos out from their hiding place (I hide them from myself... out of sight, out of mind, right?) and gave my little monkey one. The last time he ate one, he discovered "dunking"... this time, he discovered that they twist apart!!!! and there's all kinds of yummy chocolate-y stuff in the middle!!!

here he is discovering that Oreos come apart :)

BUT he also knows that he usually is not allowed to have these cookies... so, not sure if he's really allowed to eat it, he sneaks off to his tent (this was captured from around the corner with some serious zoom). notice there is already chocolate creme filling on the back of his diaper.. and, somehow, his foot.

hehe. he thought he was getting away with something...

the moment he realized he was "busted"

I just love that little guy so much. Knowing that this infection is something that has been deadly for so many, we are so thankful to have our baby boy & praise God for every single day that he is healthy. Each time that a new outbreak comes, we quarantine him in the house, bleach everything, go about our routine to kill it, and just pray non-stop that it keeps getting better with our "home treatments"... as soon as a fever spikes, we're back to the hospital. Thankfully, we have not been there since September, and we pray that we don't have to go back. (I don't talk about it much because it's still so scary to me and I don't do well with scary... I hide from confrontation.. even when it's just reality that's confronting me)

But, on a happier note- here is Bray with his bestest buddy (Daddy) just being silly little boys. :)

Brandon seriously smothers him with kissies. He's worse than a mommy half the time. <3

 And I just love this one because it shows Booga playing... this what 25% of our day is spent doing... hiding. 

Chalk Talk!!

My littlest buddy has discovered art!! (I'm not-so-secretly hoping he has the same love for it that Carter has, although I have a hard time imagining that *any* child could be quite as talented as my biggest buddy.) We've moved away from crayons, as they have a tendency to not want to come off of everything. Even the washable kind. Even the bathtub kind. And, I know, encouraging my child to draw on the walls in the bathtub will only lead him to want to draw on the walls in his bedroom & elsewhere. I don't keep art supplies out where he can get to them (however, he *did* grab a dry erase marker off of the refrigerator the other day & left us a nice scribbly picture on the front of the fridge. luckily, it comes off quite easily.) I've tried to combine "art time" with "outside time" and let him use the sidewalk chalk from YaYa (my mother) to color. But that has led to him wanting to color EVERYTHING outside. Including our dogs. And the fence. And himself. It's just so darned cute, though!! It's just chalk. It will wash off. And even if it were permanent marker, the one thing that is NOT permanent is his childhood- this stage in his life. It's gonna be gone in the blink of an eye. The chalk will wash away when the next rain comes. The memories we make are gonna stick around loooooong after.

Brandon loves that he and Braydon have the same initials. I thought this 

picture was absolutely precious!! I drew their initials on the driveway &
Bray immediately plopped down to color on it!! 

 

Coloring on the front porch. I love those little scribbles.

hmmmm... is this food? Nope.

is it like a q-tip?? Nope.

well, whatever it is---- it's all mine. :)

just chillin' at the front door... colorin' away. 

I don't know why this one won't rotate. :( It keeps uploading sideways, but 

regardless, I love this picture. Like Crissy, he loves the way chalk looks on 

black. So, he colored on the black front door, as well as the top of my night stand, 

which I painted black recently. :)  I think when we buy a house (next year-ish) that 

I will put him & Carter in the same room and give them an art wall ... chalkboard

paint & a place to hang their art work.... and a basketball goal, of course. ;)

and the winner is....

I stuck with blessed. You know, for the name of my photography "business". (I use the term loosely because, let's face it- I'm not yet getting paid for this "business"... yet.) One of the biggest decisions I will face in making my own business will be coming up with a name (I may most certainly will laugh at that statement later.) and this was not an easy one. I kept going back to sitting duck. Then going back to blessed. Then remembered the suggestions from my facebook page and toyed with beyond blessed. But, when it came down to "branding" and coming up with something that just seemed to fit every aspect of what I was looking for- blessed was the only one that cut it. Simple. That's what I want. Because, as I've stated before- it's the simple, every day moments that I'm hoping to capture. I want people to be able to look back years later on the photos I have taken & say "wow! that's exactly how I remember so-and-so"... Real life moments. (huh, that woulda been a good name.) But, blessed sums it up. ((I currently have Martina McBride's song stuck in my head... and it fits.))

The logo design I came up with, I did for the 3 biggest blessings in my life- my children. The largest circle represents my daughter, Harley. My Stinkerbell. My rough-neck princess. The middle one, my first baby boy- Carter. My man. The very first time I TRULY fell in love with a boy. The tiniest one, my last baby. My Monkey Man. My BrayFish. The reason for bags under my eyes- Braydon.

I truly hope that someday I  *will* be doing this as my full-time career. I have to have faith. I do have faith. I have passion. I have love. And I have the support of so many wonderful friends. I am soooooo truly blessed. Now, what you *really* came here to see... pictures of the wee one... :)

yes, I took a picture of him in the grocery store. told ya I was gonna... ;)

how much do I love that little tongue sticking out?? :P :)

this one's going on the wall, for sure. 

"I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve,

To be here with the ones who love me, to love them so much it hurts...

I have been blessed."

whatcha got there, little girl??

Perusing my former blog (which is still up and running, I just became a slacker at updating it... I'll see what I can do about that), I found this post on my favorite things. I wrote it this time last year & it's so neat to go back and see what has changed and what has, essentially, stayed the same. When the original post was written, my baby boy was 4 months old, and Harley and Carter (then 8 and 5, respectively) had just left for their daddy's. They've since been back & left again. And, no, it does not ever get easier watching them go. Quite the opposite, really. It's much more difficult because you KNOW what to expect. You are fully aware with every fiber of your being just how bad it's going to hurt every single day that they're gone. I digress. This is to be a light-hearted post, full of the things that make me happy, so let's begin.

Like I said, some of the things I listed last year have actually stayed the same, but so as not to have a repeat post, I'm going to just list those things now...lots of last names (however, I'm now leaning more toward Kayla Shealey Eldridge Brooks Balboa Cougar Mellancamp), Rocky Balboa, Folger's Coffee, Sugar in the Raw, my yellow Nikes (even purchased a pair of yellow Adidas hoping they could be a worthy substitute from time to time... I've worn them twice. the Nikes win. I even wore them at a friend's wedding reception with my purple bridesmaids dress.), soul miner's daughter, deep bath tubs, chickfila, lysol, facebook, the dvr, and chelsea lately. Whew. Not that I don't still like the other things listed, but they just probably aren't an integral part of my life anymore. So, I move on. 2012... My favorite things...

1. My Chelsea Lately coffee cup. Seriously. J bought this for me for my birthday & I drink my coffee out of this thing almost every single day. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received and it just reminds me that I have someone who loves me to bits and who really knows me... coffee & Chelsea will ALWAYS be two of my favorite things... it's the perfect way to get my day started.

2. Pinterest. Oh, how I love Pinterest. If I'm bored with my stand-by recipes and want a quick something to throw in the crockpot- forget Google! I'm going to Pinterest. If I need a creative gift for a friend, but am completely lost as to where to start- forget calling a friend asking "what should I make??"! I'm going to Pinterest. If I want to know what complete outfits I should wear to Disney world (as if any of those are practical choices) I still go to Pinterest. I can make homemade cleaning supplies that I don't have to be concerned will make my family sick because I KNOW what's in them. And, also thanks to Pinterest, I now have #3 on my list of favorite things....

3. Home made French Vanilla Coffee Creamer. I'm not big on fancy creamers. I don't need some Italian French Vanilla Bean Creme da la Creme whatever. I just want plain 'ole creamer. But, one fateful day several weeks ago, I happened to have used the last of the coffeemate and was just about flat broke. Which meant no more creamer for several days. Sure, I could have used milk. And I would have. But, with a Pin for Home made French Vanilla Creamer staring me in the face (and all of the ingredients in my kitchen), I couldn't resist. It's lightly sweet, which is amazing, so now I have to use even LESS of my Sugar in the Raw, which means it lasts twice as long!! (which is great, because it's one of my few splurges and is kind of pricey) Wanna try it yourself? Go for it! It's really easy & you can find the recipe here.

4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Yes, it is one of my favorite things. Why? Because it keeps my baby happy. Yes, I am that mom who will put my child in front of the t.v. so I can get things done around the house. Would I rather him just play in his room with his toys? Sure. But, that's not always gonna happen. And when it doesn't, I have no problems turning on "Key-Key" (what he calls Mickey) for a while. Meeeeska Moooooska Mickeeeeyyyyyy MOUSE!!!!

5. Skype. Because right now it's the only way I get to see my oldest babies face-to-face. Would I rather not have to use it? Abso-friggin-lutely. But, I am so thankful that we do have it because not seeing them would make this far more difficult. Thanks to Skype, I don't have to worry that Braydon won't recognize them when they get home. They still get to watch him grow and change, as well. And neither of my children are great on the telephone... they both get side-tracked. So, it makes it much easier when they can actually SEE who they're talking to. (And it's super funny watching Harley make faces at herself. I swear, half the time is spent with her stretching her face and staring at herself. Her Aunt Erin comin' out in her...) ;)

6. Photo editing software. Oooohhhh... I love!!! I'm learning so much about different functions and actions and it's all so cool to me!! It amazes me that I can take a good photo and turn it into something GREAT with just a little time in front of the computer!!

7. Wen by Chaz Dean conditioning shampoo. You've seen it on t.v., right? This stuff is life changing!! Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it IS hair changing. I have naturally curly, very dry, over processed hair. I straighten my hair almost every time I wash it (which, to be honest, is as rarely as possible), I have an amazing hairdresser who does a great job with my highlights that I have to get fairly often (considering how light I *like* my hair to be and how dark it is naturally) but, as we all know.... chemicals have a tendency to leave our hair really dull and brittle... that's where Wen comes in. It really does work the way they show in the commercials. If I decide to leave my hair curly, my curls are so much curlier and hydrated!! If I straighten it, my hair is softer, shinier and easier to manage... all without an additional conditioner. I LOVE it!!! Of course, like I said though, I try not to wash my hair until I absolutely have to... which usually means that I'm going out in public or something. I BATHE, I just hate drying my hair!!!

8. Carmex. Best. Non-Chapstik. EVER. It soothes, it cools, it works. That's all.

9. Gillette Fusion ProGlide Razors. I know, they're men's razors. But, I don't care. They work better than any women's razor on the market. And, judging by the number of men I've heard complain about their wives stealing their razors, I'd have to say I'm not the only woman who feels this way. I just wish I could make them prettier... I don't want a blue & grey razor... I want mine glittery... ((I'll bet Pinterest has a great idea for that!!))

10. Purex Laundry Detergent. I haven't yet made the Homemade Laundry Detergent I've had pinned for some time now. I'll get around to it. But, for now, I LOVE Purex. I love the way it smells, I love that I can find it on sale for 3.99 & I usually have a dollar off coupon, making it 2.99... it works amazingly- even in cold water, which is what I usually use. The scent lasts FOREVER. And, my husband claims that he has sensitive skin and can't use Gain (although he has never noticed when I've switched it up), so I tried Purex just because it was cheap & haven't looked back since.

11. Cascade dish washer packet thingies. Nothing else will do. I have tried a hundred and three different things in my dishwasher and nothing works nearly as well at getting my dishes clean and sparkly. Hmm... maybe I should check Pinterest, though, before I go out and buy some more. ((SEE?? Pinterest is good for EVERYTHING!!))

Okay, I'm gonna leave off with eleven... a good, odd number. What are some of your favorite things?? I really wanna know!! :)

Week #3 of 52

As soon as I posted the pics from Weeks 1 & 2, I was unbelievably excited to find out the subject for Week #3. And, once it was up- I was stumped. The topic for Week 3's photograph was "Inspiration", which was a super toughie for me. What inspires me? From what (or whom) do I get my inspiration? This is the easiest question in the world for me... there's so much. I could give you ten things, at least. The problem was with narrowing it down to one.

At first, I thought of the obvious- my children. Yes, they inspire me to do great things so that I can provide inspiration for them some day. But, more than that- they inspire me to be silly. To stay young. To not stress about the little, mundane things. To just be free- like a child. My youngest inspires me to get on my knees and crawl on the floor acting like a puppy. My oldest inspires me to just be goofy. She's such a nut and pretty much DEMANDS that you relax and stop taking everything so seriously. My middle child, my first-born son, my heart and soul... inspires me to look at everything a little bit differently. To really "see" art in everything, as he does. He is my little artist and sees everything as an opportunity to create. These people truly inspire me.

Then, I thought of my mother-out-law... Ruthanne. She raised two children on her own, for the most part. Working all the time. Doing the absolute very best with what she had. Was she perfect? Ha. Are ANY of us perfect? But, was she amazing? Absolutely. She has taught me to stand up for what I want, what I know is right, what I believe in... and to not take "no" for an answer. I've still got a long way to go on that, but I'm working on it. The woman has balls of steel, for lack of a better phrase. She lets nothing & no one intimidate her or stand in the way of what she wants. This woman truly inspires me.

There's also my own mother. She has been through so much... so incredibly much. Things that I couldn't possibly understand until I was grown and a mother myself (isn't that the way it usually works)... and some things I still don't quite "get", but am thankful that I will never have to "get" them. She moves forward, presses on, and smiles another day. She has taught me to smile through the tears. She taught me to "sing like ya don't need the money, love like you'll never get hurt, and dance like nobody's watchin"... She truly inspires me.

My grandmother inspires me. For reasons too numerous to count. Every one who truly knows me knows what my Nana means to me. I could not ask for a better role model, or a more ridiculous best friend. She makes me laugh, but that woman is one tough cookie. If you want to see someone who can go through something that would rip the heart straight out of someone's chest, but still maintain the composure to be there for others- look no further than my Nana. That woman truly inspires me.

Erin McCoy, my sister-out-law... owner of Sixpence Photography... mother of Evy Sue... wife of Matt... daughter of Ruthanne... super-aunt to my babies... SHE has inspired me, especially over the past year. She's always been somewhat of an inspiration to me. Her smile is ridiculously contagious. Her personality and warmth will overcome you and just make you feel like you're her best friend. For several years, I was married to her brother... she was my Maid of Honor in our wedding- because she is truly one of the NICEST people you will ever meet. She was born to be a mother. I've known that for a long time. But, when she sent me a text to tell me she was pregnant, I cried. I seriously cried. I was so happy because I knew that her life was going to be changed in ways that she had no idea. And, of course, it was. Her daughter, Evy, inspired her to do something that she had wanted to do for so long. Erin started Sixpence Photography in 2011 and has grown so much in the past year, doing what she loves doing. Watching her go after her dreams has inspired me to do the same. She's not a random name that I've heard, or just a beautiful photo I've seen floating out there... She's my family. Still. And she truly inspires me.

So, understandably, with such incredible women to look to for inspiration, as well as three perfectly imperfect children, I was having extreme difficulty deciding on what the focus of my "inspiration" would be. Then he came home. Last night, after working all day, he walked in the door anxious to play with our 16 month old son- his pride and joy. He had barely stepped out of his jeans when his phone rang. Typical. It was someone calling about a job. It was 7:30 at night. Most people hang up their work hat at 5 p.m., then go home to be with their family. His phone usually does not stop ringing until around 10 p.m. He's up at 6 to do it all over again. Sometimes  7 days a week. It doesn't stop. I would be lying if I said that he never complains. Heaven knows the man complains. ((Don't they all??)) But, he doesn't turn a job down if he can help it, because he knows what it takes to support his family. He works his butt off... day in, day out... and still makes time to be the most incredible father (honestly) that I have ever known.

This man, in his hole-ly long johns, on his phone working at 7:30 p.m. on a Friday, 

is my inspiration.

"best. stalker. EVER."

If you pay attention to my Facebook in the least, you are well aware by now that I am in love with Josh Wolf. (If you do not know who Josh Wolf is, PLEASE do yourself a favor and crawl out from under whatever sad, lonely rock you have been hiding under and watch Chelsea Lately. If you do not know what Chelsea Lately is, never speak to me again. Yes, it's that serious.) Now, I know... "in love" sounds like a mighty intense way to describe one's feelings for a pseudo-celebrity. (I only say "pseudo" because when most think of a celebrity, they think of Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. I, however, think of Josh Wolf.) But, my adoration for this man goes beyond an innocent crush.... oh, there is very little that is "innocent" about the things I think when my thoughts turn to this ball cap-wearing, testicle-obsessed, scruffy-faced man. ((for clarification, the testicles I am referring to are his own... you'd have to watch Chelsea Lately to understand.) The man is #s 1, 2 & 3 on my list of celebrities that I have permission to cheat on my husband with (doesn't every couple have that list?? no?? hmmm....). He has taken over the spots that were previously reserved for Hugh Laurie and Paul Walker. Yes, he has taken Paul Walker's place. Because I TRULY find Josh to be the Sexiest Man Alive (who is doing the research for People magazine?? They are OBVIOUSLY looking in the wrong place). What, you may ask, do I find soooo irresistible about this man?? Well, besides EVERYTHING... let's see... He is genuinely nice. I know. "ugh." Nice is boring. But, seriously, this man truly cares about his fans. He makes time for them. I've been a fan for YEARS, and a few years ago had the IMMENSE pleasure of meeting him in person. I hugged him. Talked to him. Held a conversation. Ate a sandwich. Had a beer. With Josh Wolf. Honestly--- probably the best night of my life. I was amazed at how NICE he was. But, not only nice--- he's funny. I know, you would expect him to be funny--- he's a comedian. That's what he does for a living. That's what pays his bills. But, he's "real people" funny. Like, how you are when you're hanging out with your best friend & you look at eachother thinking "someone should really follow us around with cameras because we're friggin hilarious".. that's how he is. He's just a funny man. And, to the obvious... the man is sexy. Just straight up, no way to hide it, SEXY.

I've been called a stalker. For a while, I just considered myself his #1 fan. But, I suppose I'll take stalker. It's kind of like "super fan", only a little more intense, right? He told me, back when I first began messaging him (in the days of myspace), that as long as I wasn't sending cat heads to his doorstep it would be fine. So, I haven't (not that I would). But, today, I made a statement that I was a "good stalker, not crazy stalker, right?" ... and that dear, sweet, drenched-from-head-to-toe-in-raw-unadulterated-sex-appeal-hunk-of-man replied that I was the "best stalker"... yes, he did. Some might consider that to be a negative statement. Not I. Oh no, DEFINITELY not I. Josh Wolf said *I* am the best stalker. Now, where did I put that tour schedule??....

Josh & I 

I, personally, think we just look good together.

(although someone should have stopped me from those bangs!! What was I thinking??)

for my pretty friends...

Okay, I get it. It's January. You people are on this whole "New Year, New Me" kick, and I get it. And it's reflected in the seemingly endless "pins" on Pinterest that give you a list of 50 things to do before you get out of bed to get your dream body, a miracle diet for perfect abs, pictures of 115 pound 6 foot tall models in bikinis above a fat kid eating cake imploring you to choose which you will be (for the record, I'm the fat kid eating cake)... don't get me wrong- I'm all for "bettering yourself" and personal growth both mentally and physically, but is hopping out of bed to do 50 sit ups, 40 jumping jacks, 30 crunches, 20 minutes of planking, 10 eye rolls, and 5 slaps to the face really gonna make you happy?? If so, by all means, have at it sister! But, if you're like me and you know that you will do this for a day or two then lose hope and just quit- leaving you to feel like a failure, then why do it? Why make yourself miserable? And furthermore, why can't we look in the mirror and be happy with what we see? Please, do not misunderstand what I'm saying and think that I want everyone to eat HoHos (for the record, I don't even know what a HoHo is... never had one in my life. But, apparently, they are what dimply thighs are made of) and be Fatty McFattersons... I'm not saying to quit going to the gym or running or whatever your passion is. I'm not saying that fit and healthy or even just plain skinny is "bad" or "ugly". I'm not saying ANY of that. For those of you who can get up and spend 2 hours in the gym and eat an egg white and spinach omelette for breakfast with a protein shake and LOVE it- I admire you. Honestly. Because that used to be me. I was at the gym twice a day, every day, for a couple of years and adored it. I've worked as a personal trainer, I've been on health food kicks... but even then, I wasn't happy with my body. I think, as women, we are hardwired to seek out our flaws and magnify them by 1,000. I see pictures (more than likely photoshopped pictures, but regardless) of these teeny tiny women with six pack abs and perky little bottoms, and perfectly rounded breasts (which are abnormally large for someone who probably couldn't break triple digits soaking wet) and I'm envious. I think, for a moment, "that's what I wanna look like. I can do that. With enough discipline and motivation- I CAN DO THAT." And, I suppose I could. I still wouldn't look like that, though. And I still wouldn't be happy. Because I can remember a time when I was 18, before my body knew what it meant to "carry a child", when my max weight was 94 pounds. I was a size 0. Size 2 about one week out of the month. And I ate. Boy, did I eat. I was blessed with the Shealey metabolism which meant that I could eat a Super Sonic Cheeseburger, a foot long Chili Cheese Coney with extra cheese, a Coconut Creme Pie milkshake, and have a Coke with it and not gain a single pound. I was a skinny girl. People told me all the time "I would kill to be able to eat like you do and stay so tiny!!" I didn't realize what a blessing my metabolism was because it was all I knew. I had been like this from the day I was born. I, honestly, thought that everyone had the same ability to eat what they wanted and not gain weight so if they were overweight, it was their fault. I didn't know why, I just knew that it was. That was ignorant. But, even then, I didn't like the way I looked. I had NO BUTT (I know, hard to believe, but believe me... it's true), no curves whatsoever and I was jealous of those who looked like what I thought a "real woman" should look like. Now, this is where I suppose I'm supposed to say that I then had my first child and it all went downhill. I gained a massive amount of weight and have never gotten rid of the bulk of it. But, that's not the case. Actually, even though I gained a whopping SIXTY pounds while pregnant with Harley, I lost the majority of it fairly easily. I was breastfeeding, so the weight kind of just melted away. But, this is where the problem came in... I was terrified of being "skinny" again. I didn't want to be that tiny. I liked my new-found curves. I had a butt, for the first time in my life. To me, my ideal weight was around 120 and I didn't want to get below that. I remember stepping on the scale on day and seeing 121 and ran to the kitchen to eat everything I could find. I just knew that if I didn't, I would keep losing weight and that thought was really scary to me. I was tired of being told that I needed to "eat a cheeseburger", even though I had just eaten two. My issue was different from most girls in that I still saw "skinny" when I looked in the mirror, when in reality I was just fine. I didn't like "skinny". With each child, my metabolism has slowed a little more, to the point where I started to see myself as overweight. And, in reality, I never really saw myself as overweight until a very close friend of mine made a comment in front of me to someone else saying "Kayla is the only person that I know who can stay skinny an entire pregnancy, then blow up after the baby is born".... and that stung. Probably because it was true. I had only gained 6 pounds during my pregnancy with Braydon... but, after he was born I wasn't able to breastfeed for more than a few weeks for reasons related to sterilization surgery & pain medication, but the weight was slowly adding up. I was grazing all day, but not on healthy stuff. I'm from the south and we like butter and gravy and all kinds of stuff that will pile it on. When I cook, I go big. And, then I eat big. And I love my cooking so much, that I'll eat it all day. If that means that I have a big bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy for breakfast- so be it. (then again at lunch... and dinner... with oreos in between). So, by the time by baby was 6 months old, I weighed ten pounds more than I had the day he was born. (and on a 5'4" frame, ten pounds is fairly substantial... especially when there's no baby bump to hide it.) Truthfully, at the time, I thought she was just being a bitch. I knew what the scale said, but I was in denial that I was really gaining a significant amount of weight. Ten pounds... that could be water weight, right? (wrong.) Despite the fact that my pants were getting tighter, I still saw "skinny" in the mirror (I'm telling you, people, it sounds great, but that is not a good problem to have. Quite embarrassing, actually). The big moment of truth, for me, was at the end of April... after two weddings & I'm going through the photos to be edited, looking at the ones of myself thinking "I am NOT that big... why do I look that big in these pictures?" Now, don't get me wrong, I have never been what most consider to be "big", but what I was seeing in these pictures was not what I had been seeing in the mirror. And I knew that I had actually put on a few MORE pounds since these photos had been taken. So..... I knew I had to do something. I didn't go on some big crash diet. I drank a lot more water, had a lean cuisine or smart ones for lunch, and pretty much ate whatever I wanted for breakfast and dinner. I tried to be more active. Mainly going for walks in the afternoon, pushing the baby in the stroller. That was it. No more oreos... well, at least not a whole row of oreos. ;) I didn't give up the foods that I loved, because I knew that I could still have them at dinner (when I was most likely to over indulge, or eat with friends, or want a 1,000 calorie drink). I didn't work out to the point where I wanted to drop. Therefor, I didn't feel like a failure if I skipped a day or two. Because it wasn't a big adjustment to get right back in. What I did to "slim down" a little fit my personal lifestyle. I like food & I know I'm not going to give up eating what I love. I no longer care to spend time in the gym- I would rather be writing, or taking pictures, or playing with my baby, or (admittedly) watching the Kardashians on my dvr... Some call it lazy, I call it Me. So, maybe I'm lazy. (Okay, I am.) My point is this- even though I lost an amazing 20 pounds doing very little, I've gained some of it back.... and I'm not happy about it and will probably go back to what I was doing before and lose it again. Because that was a lifestyle change that worked for me. But, I'm not going to obsess over it. I get jealous when I see the skinny models. I am envious of my friends who can wear skin tight dresses and look super hot, when I can't... but, even when I was a "skinny girl"- I wasn't happy with the way I looked. When I was 120 pounds- I obsessed over my weight to the point where it became unhealthy, therefor I was unable to be happy with the way I looked. When I was a Hooters Girl and wore those super tiny orange shorts, I compared myself to all of the 18 & 19 year old kids I was working with and (even though I was at the gym every day!!) I still didn't like the way I looked. I was never as "in shape" as the girl next to me. And, now... I look back at pictures from each of those stages in my life and I see such insecurity. I've always been very extroverted and seemingly confident, but I suppose it was really just an act because I've never really considered myself a pretty girl. I still am not very good at taking compliments (although I do love them), but I am able to see something now that I didn't before. At the risk of sounding like Christina Aguilera- I am beautiful. I am. I'm not physically perfect, but I am beautiful. I have a big heart, but even on the outside--- I know that if I don't appreciate where I'm at right now, ten years from now I'm going to look back & want to kick myself thinking that I should have realized how beautiful I really was. (I know that, because that's the way I look at pictures of myself from 6 years ago, in those orange shorts... I was in a lot better shape than I realized). I just want you all to go look in the mirror. Seriously, do it. At some point today just go look in the mirror (a full-length on, preferably) and pick yourself apart. But, differently than you usually do. Instead of picking apart all of the bad things, think about all of the many little things that make you so beautiful. It doesn't make you cocky. These things are  YOU. And in order to be the confident woman that you can be, you need to recognize just how beautiful you really are. Think about something that maybe a man has complimented you on before. Even if you dismissed it. Think about that body part and dwell on that for a minute. That is beautiful. For me, it's my back. Most guys compliment my butt. It happens. Heck, I like my big ole backside. It's part of me, and part of what gives me my confidence. (I prayed for this butt... seriously. Such a silly thing to pray for, but I did.) But, once, I had a man that I was seeing tell me that I had a beautiful back... I thought it was ridiculous. Who compliments someone's back?? But, when I was searching, TRYING to find something (other than my rear) that I thought was beautiful, I recalled those words... and now I've come to love it. My back is beautiful. So, my stomach is imperfect. I'm not going to have a six pack. I know that. I'm not going to put forth the work that it takes to get it. That's fine. But, I also have pretty nice legs. The thighs, maybe not so much... but all in all, my legs look great in a dress and heels. Maybe you have AMAZING eyes, or even eyebrows. Maybe you have gorgeous full lips, or cheeks full of freckles, or perfectly shaped shoulders. Or maybe it's your back, or your hair, or your crooked smile. Heck, I even love my belly button. FIND things about yourself that you LOVE. And make a list. Write these things down, and tell yourself that you're beautiful. Because you are. I tell myself all the time that I have some of the prettiest friends out there. And I do. But, it doesn't do much good for me to know it. YOU have to know it. Yes, it's cheesy and cliche... but YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.   I would LOVE to hear some of the things that you know make you beautiful!!!