I also was in the process of my semi annual house cleaning, and cooking Sunday dinner for the short people. So, yeah, I was kind of feeling like Superwoman. I started thinking about everything that I've learned in these almost 11 years of being a mother, and the short amount of time that I've had to be both. {let me preface this by saying that I am in no way downplaying the role that the baby daddy plays in our children's lives. he loves them dearly and would love to see their faces every day, however, he has a job to do and that job currently has him travelling the country living his dream}
If you're reading this blog, you're probably well aware that I am the QUEEN of unsolicited advice. I have no problem telling you how you should treat your husband, or the things you should expect out of a relationship even knowing that I kind of SUCK at the whole wife/girlfriend thing. (and bowling. I'm no good at that, either) That being said, I will *now* tell you how to NOT suck at being a single mom. Feel free to roll your eyes and say that I obviously know NOTHING about that which I speak of. Maybe I know nothing other than the fact that I have been beaten down with experience. And gotten back up. And been beaten down again. All before noon. Daily.
1. Let your kids sleep in as late as they want. This prevents you from having to feed them breakfast, thus saving you money on the grocery bill. If they wake up at 10, promptly inform them that it is "almost lunch time" and you're "about to start working on it"... this *should* help. Until around 4 when they're asking for lunch and you remind them of the sandwich they had at 11 and they let you know that the sandwich was breakfast and that they would like to eat lunch before dinner... this is when you throw candy at them. That usually keeps them quiet for a little while.
2. Have older children help you out around the house... and by "help you out" I mean, tell them to take the younger ones and go away. This is the most help you could ask for. Because they're only gonna do a half ass job at whatever you ask them to do anyway, so you may as well just do it yourself. Go ahead and judge. "The kids have to learn somehow.." Yes. They do. But then my house is STILL in shambles... after the kids cleaned. No, thank you. I mean, it's not gonna be CLEAN when I do it, but close enough for me.
3. Never underestimate the power of humiliation. I don't care what anyone says, it works. I just made my oldest son play fetch with a stick outside this morning because he kept bringing them in the house. I was tired of it. After several long minutes in the south GA heat running after a stick that I just kept throwing in the yard, pretty sure he learned. We came inside, grabbed some ice water and hugged it out. Well-- I patted him on the back. He was sweaty from chasing that stick. And he's an 8 year old boy, so he smelled bad. Regardless, he was most concerned that one of his friends was going to see him "playing fetch". I don't think he'll do it again.
4. Let them lie. Let the story get *really* good. Watch them spin that tale as far as they'll let it go. The entertainment level is boundless. And to watch them thinking they're getting away with it will fill you with a hope that they could someday have their own sitcom on Disney--- obviously, this child is a natural. Nod your head, let them think you fully believe them, let them walk confidently back to their room. Count to thirty. Then go bust 'em. It's beautiful. Just trust me.
5.Let them sleep with you as long as they want to. I could be wrong, but I've never known a high school senior who still sleeps in the bed with Mama and Daddy. Granted, sometimes you have to move them once they fall asleep, but the days of cuddles are going to be gone before you know it. Again- trust me. By the time you realize it, it's too late and the moment has passed. You'll never look back with the feeling that you spent too much time loving on your babies.
6. Cry. Gahhhh, just let it out!! You'll need it. I tried to hold it in. My kids are with me all the time. Even when the oldest two were at school, I still had the baby. Your kids don't need to see you break down. That's no bueno. They're still babies. They don't need to know that you're stressed or at your wit's end (until you make them go play fetch in the back yard--- a sure sign that Mama has SNAPPED!). But I was given the sage wisdom from one of the best single mother's that I know to just lock myself in the bathroom and let it all out. Unfortunately for me, my middle child figured out how to unlock the bathroom door and found me unravelled on the cold floor and asked "is it because you pooped and we're out of toilet paper? because I know where some is..." *smh*
7. Introduce them to GOOD music. Whatever you think is "good", let them jam out. Because whatever they listen to now is what your grandchildren will listen to, and what you will eventually have to listen to coming from their little mouths. My daughter does a great rendition of Harper Valley PTA. My grandchildren will be singing Travis Tritt and Blackhawk to me at some point. I look forward to that.
8. Dance. We do that A LOT around here. My kids love to see me let go and just be silly. Aaaaaaand I burn some calories. Win/Win.
9. Feel free to SUCK. That's how you DON'T suck--- accept that you're gonna screw up from time to time. We ALL do. The best parents (single, married, remarried, gay, lesbian, WHATEVER) suck. Day in and day out. Some times MULTIPLE times a day. I've messed up this parenting thing I think 5 times today already. It happens. Don't feel like cooking? Don't. Ramen Noodles are awesome. And the kids love them. Lunchables are great, as well. Or, heck, cereal. They'll thank you. Really.
10. Love. That's really the most important. Just love them. With everything you have, love those babies. As long as you do that, you can't mess up too bad.
